I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
