wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
