dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize