You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize