i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
