Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
