i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize