Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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