so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
