I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
