I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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