So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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