I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
