It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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