i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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