The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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