Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
