Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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