one two three fourrrrnication!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
