North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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