do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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