Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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