We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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