walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
