Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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