Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
