U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he was CRYING into my vagina
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
