The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
