I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
