this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
