this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
