That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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