So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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