I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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