idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
