oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
