You made me cry and you don't even care
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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