Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
