Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
