By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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