Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
