So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
