he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
