really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
