sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
