I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
