I wish I only lived at night.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
