I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
