Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
