You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
