i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he shaved USA in his pubs
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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