I'm going to jail i love you
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
