I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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