Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
