I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Four minutes until I can fart!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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