Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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