i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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