If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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