Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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