We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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