Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
