Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
