so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
