Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
