I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
