i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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