im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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