they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
